What To Do With Your Spoons

Have you heard of the spoon theory?! In this episode, Bri & Beka talk all about the theory, and also share their insight on how they manage their spoons.

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Disclaimer: Those Girls with Arthritis was created by two friends hoping to share their personal experiences and learn from others. We are not medical experts. Please contact your health professionals before making any choices to change your medical plan.

Transcript

Intro  0:04  
You're listening to those girls with arthritis podcasts. We're your hosts. I'm Bri. And I'm Beka. Through this podcast, we hope to give a more personal view into life with chronic illnesses. Share with us learn with us and grow with us. Welcome to those girls with arthritis

Bri  0:27  
Hey guys, welcome back to those girls with arthritis. As always, this is Bri and I'm here with Beka.

Beka  0:35  
Hey y'all laugh Happy new podcast episode Bri good to virtually see you slash talk to you.

Bri  0:44  
Have you been good? I'm very good. We are still in the new year high here at the Ramos household. So still doing our walks, still drinking our water and trying to stick with it.

Beka  1:01  
I'm so proud of you every time when you post your one mile intentional mile walks. I just am so proud of you. And also I think I texted you this. I cannot believe when you walk your dogs how fast you go. Because when I walk with my dogs, someone's pooping someone's mark and someone's you know chasing a squirrel. It's like double the time is yours.

Bri  1:24  
We try to do them like normal speed with the dogs. But then we always do like if we have people coming over or something I'll be like the girls need to go on a sniffing walk. Where the like, like them sniff everything and like, get it all out because that's the like, be good for like, I don't know, like cognitive activity like they're smelling things and yeah, exploring, but usually they don't stop to too much on our walks. But I do. I am a firm believer that dog walking should be like an Apple Watch exercise on its own because between the leash and the stopping and picking up stuff and yeah, like it's more than just walking. It's more than just walking.

Beka  2:12  
And honestly now with my new leash that I posted about it has that handle and I'm like I could like do some little bicep curls. Or I could do oh yes biceps. But um, yeah, my dogs just pooped like five times when we walk. We end up walking almost a mile. We hit a mile other day. But because we just do our neighborhood and Yeah, honestly, we don't grab enough poop bags, or when I do have a lot of poop bags. It's like, feel like jinxes it? You know what I mean? So I try and grab just what I think is right. I don't know. 

Bri  2:53  
Always what gets Max tonight is the girls will go poop like at the beginning of the walk. So then we're stuck carrying the poop bag full. Yeah, the whole walk. And we're like..

Beka  3:05  
We put it. We put it by like a stop sign. And then we come back for it.

Bri  3:09  
Yeah, I've seen people do that. We usually just carry it. But we have smaller dogs. So

Beka  3:14  
My big boys have some stinky poop. So 

Bri  3:18  
Wow, I didn't expect this podcast episode. to start with poop talk.

Beka  3:22  
Sorry. Do you want to start with your high and low? Or do you want me to jump into it? I leave when we do our highs and lows.

Bri  3:29  
Yeah, you start I have to think of my high.

Beka  3:34  
My low is I'm still recovering from COVID. I just feel still like a little congested. Even when we're on the walks and stuff. I feel like it's taking me a little bit longer to like, catch my breath. And I'm just over it. I still feel tired. I just I feel like it's a not a blessing. I don't want to say that. I'm glad that I got COVID When I did, because now I feel immune. You know, like I feel like I have some good antibodies in. And I have this huge work event coming up next week where we're going to have like 600 people in a ballroom. So I'm feeling a little bit more confident. I probably won't get sick from that. But also I just feel like it took away my whole holiday. But yeah, so that's my low but my high, my little sister is engaged. And she's coming up to Atlanta in March. And we're gonna go wedding dress shopping. So just super excited to get to do that with her. And she doesn't really know what she wants, but I kind of feel like I know what she wants, but it's always just so exciting to go and just experience that. And now that I'm on the other side of things like I feel like I You know, I don't know. It's just it's just so fun and it's like my baby sister so I am very, very excited for that. And this year, I just have so many, like friends and families like milestones coming up. We have some weddings, we have some baby showers we have, you know, enter everything here. So I just I feel like 2024 is going to be a really good year. Yay.

Bri  5:18  
Yeah, I'm so excited. That's gonna be so much fun wedding dress shopping. You'll have to keep us updated when that gets closer. Oh, like afterwards and stuff. So, um, so my low I have like, two, like, stupid appointments, not like stupid appointments, but like those regular annual appointments, doctor's appointments that you do. So today was the gynecologist my annual there and then tomorrow I'm getting just like a cleaning at the dentist and I frickin

Beka  5:51  
Oh, I'm so jealous. Why is that you're low. I love going to the dentist.

Bri  5:55  
You're honestly the only person I think I've ever met in my life. Who likes the dentist

Beka  6:02  
I feel so clean after the dentist. And I just love it. I'm need to find a new one up here. You're motivating me now because Michael and I need to go in. And I didn't really like the other place we use. So you're motivating me. But yeah, I love the dentist.

Bri  6:21  
Yeah, we honestly we found a good one here that we really do like, and it's like, they have like some very cool tech. So I can make X rays and stuff like that a lot easier. Oh good and all that. And they're so nice. They have little TVs and all the rooms and they play pet shows where you're just like there's just dogs and cats on the screen. My fav so that's really cute. But you know, it's still the dentist. So, um, my high. We had a really fun weekend we went over to St. Pete this weekend. This isn't like a milestone or anything, but we just had a fun weekend. The Philadelphia Union were here a soccer team. So Max and I went to go see them play. He got his jersey signed by like a whole freaking team, which was really

Beka  7:12  
that is so cool. That's so cool 

Bri  7:15  
It was really cool because they were playing Brazil. And we didn't think that. I don't know, I wasn't expecting it to be as many Brazil fans as there were but we were probably like one or two of like Wani. Philly fans in a sold out rowdy stadium like it was like, Oh my God, I've been transported to Brazil, because everybody was a Brazilian fan. But we what was the score? It was to nothing. Too bad Brazil won. But we heard they're like very popular team in Brazil, like someone said, the Dallas Cowboys of Brazil. So people were very excited from that for them to be there. And we were the lone wolves. So I think that helped Max get the signatures as well. Because when we were standing by the bus, we were like literally like one of like 10 people standing there. Oh, wow. So it was nice. And the players are always so nice and willing to talk and say hi and take pictures and do all the things. So that was super fun.

Beka  8:23  
Max's smile and those photos. Just ear to ear almost as big as his smile at your wedding very close.

Bri  8:32  
But literally though. I know I sent that picture to a few people. And they all were like, oh my God makes us smile. He looks so happy. He was like,

Beka  8:40  
I'm just so glad you guys got to do that. Yeah,

Bri  8:43  
it was fun. We had never been over to the rowdies stadium, actually. So that was cool. Yeah,

Beka  8:48  
it is a nice little stadium. It's right on the water. Pretty convenient to park and stuff to St. Pete. Back.

Bri  8:59  
So this week, we want to talk about spoon management. So we'll start by talking about The Spoon Theory. If you're not familiar with what that is, you've heard like people with chronic illnesses online or anywhere talk about spoons or spoonies or even our episode was chicks with spoons. If I guess that can be pretty confusing if you don't know the reference. So there was actually a blogger Christine Miserandino. She wrote The Spoon Theory in 2003. She has lupus and what and wrote The Spoon Theory to describe how her disease affects her ability to perform daily tasks. So basically, the analogy was that she had a limited number of spoons each day or to do things You sell like a spoon to shower a spoon to make yourself breakfast a spoon to get dressed, you only have a certain number of spoons per day. So she had to she was using this to explain to her friends that she might not have enough spoons to do an activity. Or she might have a limited number of spoons on certain days. It was just kind of a, it was a unique way to describe it. And it really stuck. Because it really resonated with this community so much. Looking at that, I can't believe that that was 2003. And we're still using the word spoony was like 20 years ago, which is wild. But yeah, that's where it all stems from.

Beka  10:51  
I remember when I first heard about it, I was like, I don't get it. It doesn't make sense to me why spoons, you know, but I'd like to imagine. She was like, just sitting around. And that was like the first thing she could grab. 

Bri  11:06  
Oh I think she was I think that was the story. She was like out to dinner or restaurant. She grabbed all the spoons off the table. And like the table next to them and was like this does this spoon is for this this spoon is for that and like that was that was how it was written. You so yes, thank you for reminding me of that.

Beka  11:25  
Okay, good. I just feel like I would just look around the room and be like, How can I explain this to you? You know? Yeah,

Bri  11:33  
spoons was perfect. I feel like spoonies is cuter than like forkies or knives or yeah now I'm thinking of different utensils we could have been 

Beka  11:44  
Forkie, God, please.

Bri  11:49  
Forkie is like the character from Toy Story though, right?

Beka  11:53  
Yeah. So with this spoon? Oh, yeah, that is your right now I feel bad laughing so hard. It just is very different than spoonies. Oh, forkie I hope you don't hear this and are upset with me. Anyway, with spoon management, though, I just need you to clarify this. Is it comparing your spoons with someone else? Like, okay, maybe my husband only needs one spoon to take a shower. But I might need to or to get dressed or get out of bed? Or is it more just what you evaluate your spoon needs?

Bri  12:35  
I feel like it's more just you evaluating your spooning yourself. And I don't even think you would have to say like, it takes me two spoons, as compared to someone else. Like, the way it was originally written was we have less spoons. So we have like, or like during the deficit. So we have to be smarter about how we're spending. Take a shot every time Bri says spoon.

Beka  13:02  
I know, I know that. I know. I've listened to the story. I've read the story. And for some reason, not that it doesn't click for me. I think it's just because during my day, I just tried to do everything, no matter what. So sometimes, it's just hard for me to like step back and be like, You can't do that today, or that's not going to happen today. 

Bri  13:28  
And for me, I never like really talked about we've talked I've talked about spoons before my day to day. Now. I'm like I'll say to Max, I am out like a little bit texts and be like out of spoons like need help. Like, can you do this? And I'll like say that and or I use too many spoons this weekend or something like that. It's just, it's just a different way of saying like, I'm out of energy. I used up all my energy. I used up all my gas like I'm out of spoons. I don't know it just like it. I don't know, it just becomes part of how you describe it. And it's an easy way to explain it to people, I think unless they get too stuck on the spoon thing. And then they're drying right?

Beka  14:20  
Yeah, no, I say that. Because that's how I was too. What do you do for your spoons? Daily does that was that a bad question? To sour grapes.

Bri  14:37  
I don't I don't actively think about nice foods. I feel like it's good. Like if you're having like I knew today was a low spoon day for me. So I kind of like evaluated that when I realized it in the morning. So I knew I have to do XYZ um a little bit differently because I have less spoons today or because I'm just more fatigued or just don't have as much energy to get things done. Being honest with yourself is like really important with that. So you're not running on empty?

Beka  15:20  
Oh, yeah. And I think to not even just being honest with yourself, but being honest with other people, that you're out of your spoons, or being able to communicate that is important. What I've been trying to do lately is not to push through, but not feel upset or give myself grace, if it takes longer to do something than someone else. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, like, if I'm doing laundry, like folding towels, my husband just knocks that stuff out, you know, and sometimes I have to, like, take a little bit of a break or do this or that, and I'm still getting it done. It's just taking a little bit longer. So just making sure not even just patients, I like the giving myself grace that, yeah, it's gonna take different amount of times, or I might even do it a different way to. Um,

Bri  16:25  
I think with like that, it's just like, so easy to compare yourself to other people. But slowing down is not a bad thing. We, as society, like American people are moving at a mile a minute. And I know so often, like just running ourselves completely dry. So honestly, everybody needs to evaluate their frickin spoons, some days, but, but like, not being so hard on yourself to get so much done like it, then you have a whole week to do all of these tasks. Don't try to squeeze all of them into one day. Try to sprinkle them throughout the week, instead.

Beka  17:12  
I love that. No, that's true. And also, don't be afraid to say no, you don't have to say yes to every thing. I'm a very social person. So sometimes, even though I'm running low on spoons, being around other people are seeing someone I haven't seen in a while, kind of rebuilds my spoons, and like fills my cup up and just makes me feel I'm just, we're talking all things kitchen here. But it just makes me feel like I threw in cups Come on. It just makes me feel so good. So I think it's important, though, that you can say no, but I know I've said this before on here. And I know, you know this, just from being my friend. If I say no, I tried to give it an alternative. I try not to just be like, No, I can't do this, I can't do this. I try to be like, let me get back to you later, or, Hey, I can't do this, can we do this instead? Or I give like an option of Do you still want to do this? Or maybe this? And then kind of see where it goes, you know, but I always like don't want to hurt someone's feelings or don't want someone to feel like they're not a priority, or I didn't, you know, keep my not promise, but my plans with them. So I try to make that extra effort. When I'm sure. I don't know what you do.

Bri  18:41  
No that makes sense. And I think too, we get stuck because we have these chronic illnesses. And we don't know, like, what tomorrow is going to bring what next week is going to bring? So I catch myself saying yes to things because I'm like, I don't know. Like, if I'm going to be able to hang out next week. What if I'm not feeling good? So let me say yes, right now and push myself too far. And same thing with like work things. I don't know, if it's, I think it's a mix of like us having chronic illnesses and trying to make up for if we feel guilty about missing time for appointments or feel guilty about all these other things. So then we say yes to too much to try to like, make up for it. I'm doing air quotes, like we feel like we have to make up for that in some way. So then we push ourselves too far in other areas, but don't really need to make up like that because you're already probably sitting there at your infusion center with your laptop working when you shouldn't be anyway. And it's just a cycle, you know,

Beka  19:50  
and it's going back to what I said earlier about giving yourself grace to that not even just it's going to take you a long time. It's just going to look different, you know? Yeah. Do you feel like it's difficult to do? Like managing your spoons around different times of the year or different, you know, higher, busier seasons during work or anything like that? Yeah,

Bri  20:17  
like right now, it's very easy because with work, we're not traveling right now. Like, there's no big trips or anything. The holidays just ended. So there's not like, holiday party is holiday get togethers holiday travel, to think about. And then even like, the weather, too. It's like, at least here, it's like winter, they say winter lightly. But like, my friends want to go to the movies, which is like perfect for me. Because it's like a chill activity. You know, instead of like going to the beach, they want to go to do something inside. So it's like, Oh, that's perfect, you know? Yeah. But then in the winter, I usually have less spoons, like I'm in more pain this week, and my shoulders on my neck and just more stiff because of the way the weather is. So I feel like I have less spoons, and more to manage on my disease side. Because right, because like bring, do all that is like taking care of yourself doing the heating pads, doing the parafin doing the special baths, doing physical therapy, stretching, all these extra things that we have to do because of the or our illnesses, those take up spoons as well talking to our insurance company, as Oh, God, literally that takes up so much energy for me to deal with. And other people don't have to deal with that. But we have to count that in to like what we're doing every single day.

Beka  21:56  
Yeah. When you mentioned whether it's funny because I was talking to someone the other day, and I was like the cold just makes me so so a GI. And then I was like, well, when it's raining, it makes me achy, too. And then if it's too hot, it makes me achy. I'm like I'm a normal ache. But when this weather is involved, it makes it achy, achy. Yeah. achy,

Bri  22:22  
I'm great when it's like 70 degrees and sunny. And like, that's yeah, no,

Beka  22:28  
I'll take 65 Like, I need a little bit of nice little breeze. But it was when I went to the gym the other day. It was like 16 degrees outside and I was freezing. Thank God, my gym has like a sauna that I can like get in and yeah, get kind of my body warmed up a little bit. But, man, the weather is just rough. I know you mentioned holidays, holidays, big celebrations, like things coming up. It's just, it's hard. Yeah. Now into, I don't know, if it's that I'm being better at managing my spoons, or I'm getting a little older. But the older does not have to deal with how I physically feel. It's just the older that I don't want to be at a bar until 2am. I don't want to, you know, like, do some of that stuff that I used to love to do in college, like go listen to live music every Friday do this and that, like, I'm definitely a little bit more homebody. But when it's the holidays, it's so hard because you want to see everyone and sometimes you only see them around the holidays, like once a year and just squeezing everything with end of year for work. And just can take a lot out of you sometimes. What some good, like, feel like we've shared some but good examples on how to say something about how you're managing your spoons to other people.

Bri  24:06  
So I feel like when I am trying to tell my friends I might like want to give them some details. Like I might be like, you know, like my, my arthritis is really acting up. I usually just say arthritis, because it's just easier to say my arthritis is acting up more. So I'm not sure if I can stay for the whole time. I could stay till seven. But you might like not even need to give that beginning explanation. You can say I'll be there. But I have to be home by seven. Even some of my friends now they're like that we were talking about go to the movies last week and they were like I have a bedtime. Like warning only people not the only people who need to be home by a certain time just because of our chronic illnesses. A lot of people are looking to make the same boundaries. So I think when you put boundaries up you'll be surprised of how accepting people are of Um,

Beka  25:01  
I know when I was younger, I used to just blame my mom and be like, Oh my god, yeah, my mom won't let me do that. Sorry.

Bri  25:08  
And that was the easy thing to do, right?

Beka  25:11  
I can't really do that. Now, you know, even if it was it arthritis related, I would blame my mom. Sorry, mom. There's a lot of people out there that think that you're very tough. I kind of said this earlier, but more of a concrete example. If someone's asking me to do something like Friday night, kind of last minute, like maybe it's Thursday, unlike Hey, you want to do something? Sad or Saturday night? It's Thursday. I'm like, oh, sorry, I already committed to something Friday. What about we do something like Sunday morning or afternoon before work and said, I'd still love to see you. Like, I tried to give myself a little bit of a window, but then still offer like an alternative, you know? 

Bri  25:56  
Yeah, exactly. And honestly, if you can't commit to one thing, something we would say would be unfortunately, I can't commit to that right now. If anything changes, I'll let you know.

Beka  26:12  
I feel like that sounded so professional. Because I feel like I would have been like, I feel like shit I'm not doing

Bri  26:18  
Oh, yeah. I mean, I feel like it depends. You have to take all of these and tailor them to like your audience. I probably have. That's probably like, verbatim what I've said to work. I can't commit to that right now. But yeah, but obviously, if it's your friends, you're not gonna see that. I can't commit to that right now. But you're right, like, yeah, just teasing you. I can't do that right now. Just change it up a little bit. 

Beka  26:47  
But yeah, I was just gonna say I try really hard to not do like last minute. Like if it's supposed to see someone at 630. And it's already one and I already feel like shit, and I know I'm not gonna be able to make it instead of dragging out to like 536 when they might already be on their way. I definitely don't want to put myself in that situation or even them. I want to make sure I give them enough heads up earlier in the day or before my plans and there's sometimes things happen last minute, where I'm thinking I'm feeling okay, I think I'm doing good. And then I just physically just can't, but I don't want to abuse that my friends are sympathetic or even my family is to me and I don't want to ever, you know, abuse their sympathy and their flexibility because I'm always canceling on them last minute, you know. 

Bri  27:45  
Yeah, exactly. I know that I think that's where we get caught up a lot of the times is we're like in our head about using saying that too much and like having to like I was saying earlier with like work like having to make up for it later cetera. So it's hard to find that balance. Um, well, we hope that this episode, you learned a little bit about spoons, The Spoon Theory, and maybe a little bit about spoon management and what we do, how we are valuing our time and 2024 and doing what's best for our bodies and our selves. So we hope that you do the same. And we will talk to you soon. Thanks, y'all. Thank you for listening. Be sure to subscribe to our channel so you never miss an episode.

Beka  28:42  
We encourage you to share our podcast with others and if you enjoyed listening today, please make sure to let us know. 

Bri  28:49  
We always want to hear from our listeners. You can reach us on Facebook and Instagram at those girls with arthritis.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai