TTSD (The Tortured Spoonies Department)

After a little break after a crazy few weeks, Bri and Beka are back! In this week’s episode, those girls give an update on what has been going on in their lives and also talk about The Tortured Poets Department album and how certain songs relate to their chronic illness.  

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Disclaimer: Those Girls with Arthritis was created by two friends hoping to share their personal experiences and learn from others. We are not medical experts. Please contact your health professionals before making any choices to change your medical plan.

Transcript

Bri: 0:27

Hey guys, welcome back to Those Girls With Arthritis. This is Bri and I'm here with Becca.

Beka: 0:34

Hey y'all Bri. I always feel like I'm like, we're back, but we are, we took a little bit of a breaky break, you know?

Bri: 0:44

It's been so long that I almost just forgot how to like intro the podcast. I was like, wait, what do I say?

Beka: 0:50

And I was also thinking, I feel like it's been forever since we recorded, but it's only been, I think we only missed a couple weeks. Like, it's not like we missed a full

Bri: 1:00

month, do you know what I mean? Yeah, no, I know. It feels like we've been gone for a while, but we did, everyone was like, oh, you haven't posted in so long. And I was like, well, we had two episodes in April, like, yeah, we, we really, we had two episodes. I mean. Like, we usually have three or four, but we did have two, and one of them was Warrior Wednesday, and we, like, had recorded that one a little bit earlier in the month, so I think that's why it feels like we haven't recorded in a while, too, but, yeah.

Beka: 1:31

Maybe. We're back. I also, we are back and better than ever. Are we?

Bri: 1:37

Are we?

Beka: 1:37

I don't know. I don't know.

Bri: 1:41

Okay, well Now that we've done our awkward intro, we'll do our highs and lows for the last few weeks, I guess. I know like this month was crazy. Yes. So many good things in April which has led to, I'm currently flaring right now. I, it's like very weird. I feel like a lot of Spoonies I know, arthritis warriors I know, are flaring right now which is sucky, but April was, So busy. I went to Vegas for work. And then we had soiree by the bay here in Tampa which was super successful. We ended up raising over a hundred thousand dollars, which was way above our goal. So much FOMO. I know we missed you. But it was so much fun. I had to have, got to have like my whole family there, bunch of friends, things like that. So that was super fun. Max's parents were here visiting for soiree by the bay and then stayed for a few days after that. So I had that. Then the next weekend, I saw Kenny Chesney in concert. So busy. Like, so exhausted. And then, yeah. I mean, just like little things here and there. But April was jam packed. So I can't say I'm super surprised that I'm flaring. I think I was being a little cocky in April. I kept texting Becca and Cara, and I was like, I am feeling so good. I'm so surprised. Ha ha ha. Bye bye. And then it finally hit last few days, I've just been flaring and trying to get back to a good place.

Beka: 3:28

Ugh, no, I totally relate. I definitely have been flaring too, and it's been so weird because I know I was texting you, I was like, is this weather related flare? Like I've been bitching and complaining about the last few months with how cold it is. And now it's getting warmer and it's been really rainy. Is this stress related flare because work is insane right now? Is it I just traveled? Is that flare? Like there's so many flare options and I just ache. And I'm not. Like having headaches with the flare, which is good. I'm hoping it doesn't happen. Cause normally I get really, really bad migraines when they flare too. But my body just aches. I haven't worked out in like a week, which is crazy. Cause I've been on such a good routine. So I think I'm going to make that my low. I feel like I kind of messed up my routine. And my trainers, like on a cruise, like how dare he go on a cruise when he needs to be training me? No, just kidding. But I feel like I really need to make it a habit and hold myself accountable. And I traveled for a few days and was very treat yourself and I can have French fries and I can drink five beers at which I'm not done in a long time. So hopefully get back on a good routine. But my high was definitely going to Florida. Really got me have to like sing Florida now because of Taylor, but. Got to celebrate one of my best friends is having a baby. So that was exciting. And then I got to meet one of my other best friends babies, which was really amazing. It's just all the baby love got to see you and book club, which was so fun. Cause we've been doing a virtual book club the past couple of months. So super excited. I was able to be there in person. And the rest of April, I know one of my other best friends is getting married. So I got to host a shower. I got to go to the masters, which was really cool. I basically bullied my dad into taking me cause he won tickets. So I just feel like. It's been a rollercoaster, just person personally and professionally, friends, family, work, everything has been crazy and I cannot believe it's may.

Bri: 5:52

I know this year's flying. It's nuts. So, so nuts. But there's been a lot of, like we were saying, just a lot of exciting things going on. And I guess in the middle of all of this, while we're trying to catch up with life, we're trying to read 500 page books for book club. Thanks, Kara. 600 pages, Kara. And in the middle of that, Taylor Swift comes out with The Tortured Poets Department, and the Tortured Poets Department Anthology, so it was like a total album, 31 songs, and I feel like I haven't even listened to them all, but I have, but like, I feel like I haven't in my soul so, I feel that. I feel that it kind of inspired today's episode. I guess. Becca and I are both have been Taylor Swift fans, like our whole lives went to errors towards that the whole thing. We're too old to stay up at midnight for like the first time in our lives. I

Beka: 6:55

made it to 1120. And I was like, I'm gonna just rest my eyes and fell asleep and I was like, Dang it. I was So close. But then I was thinking if I made it to midnight, you still have to listen to the full album.

Bri: 7:11

Literally. I'd still like, I stayed up. I was actually up till midnight. I'm just like a night owl anyway. So I'm going to stay up and I listened to like, I think I listened to Florida. I think I listened to, but daddy, I love him. That might've been it. I like listened to two. And then I went to bed because I was like, I have a 9am meeting and I cannot do this.

Beka: 7:32

Yeah. Oh

Bri: 7:33

my God. I know. But yeah, anyway, so I'm sure y'all have seen all the memes all the things with tortured poets. So this week's episode is the tortured spoonies department. And we found a lot of relatable lyrics And like, I don't know, like things in some of the Taylor songs from this new album. So we wanted to share just a few of them and then hopefully hear from some of you guys in the coming weeks, what lyrics you guys relate to.

Beka: 8:07

Yes, so I'll go first. I immediately, as soon as I heard the Florida song, I thought about you and me and how we kind of escaped a little bit to Florida after high school. And that whole song is talking about like, Escaping of Florida and reinventing yourself and kind of leaving the past behind, etc. And I totally feel like that might be a personal one that relates to us and not necessarily chronic illnesses in general, but I definitely feel that song relates.

Bri: 8:47

For real. And I, it's not what I was expecting from that song at all. No. Like I was not expecting like Taylor Swift escaping to Florida, like frolicking with Florence. Like I was not expecting. When I first

Beka: 9:02

heard it, I hated it. I hated the song. I was like, this is so lame. This is awful. But then when I started really listening to the lyrics, I was like, Oh,

Bri: 9:14

Yeah, I think we just like all I'll think like so much of the talk around that song was that it was going to be because that was like the time of, okay, I don't want to get too swifty on this episode, but we expect to write about the Tampa show because that's when the breakup happened. Right. I thought it was gonna be like a sad. Or maybe I don't know. I don't know what I was expecting, but it was not that and I really like the song now and I didn't even think about the connection that you made Becca for this episode about us, but it's so true. Because like truly like came down to college here because of the weather because all the things because like partially because nobody knew. my history with my arthritis, chronic illness. I went through in high school with all of it. So it was like an escape for sure.

Beka: 10:07

Yeah, so that just as soon as just I need to forget so take me to Florida. It was just yeah, I Immediately

Bri: 10:14

thought of that. So yeah, it's a bop. I need I need I still need to get it on vinyl And I feel like I'm gonna blast that one So the next one, maybe the most obvious one. And when I first heard it, I was just like, jaw on the ground, like loved this bop. But it's, I can do it with a broken heart, but it's also like, I sent, I texted like my family and I was like me bopping to like Taylor Swift's misery. And it was like that little gif of the girl, like dancing. You feel Like, you almost feel bad, like what she's saying in the song. It was, it says, cause I'm a real tough kid. I can handle my shit. They said, baby, got to fake it till you make it. And I did. Lights, camera, bitch, smile. Even when you want to die. That's like the jets. And that's the part that like, I feel like so many of us probably have screamed in our car in the last week. Cause it's just like, but then it's still like a pop tune and you're like, Yeah.

Beka: 11:16

Yes. Especially like, everyone has those moments when they're like, you know, faking it till you make it, you're smiling, but then also just like, yeah, I am a tough kid and I can't handle my shit. You know, like when I heard that, I was like, yes, I can relate to that. Like you kids are not tough. I'm tough. You know,

Bri: 11:40

I feel like so many people can probably relate to this song in different ways, but

Beka: 11:44

yeah,

Bri: 11:45

it did just like really hit home. Like even like, I'm a real tough kid. Like I was diagnosed when I was a kid. Yep. And now I'm like here and in like the song, you can like hear her on the stage and let's say something about like stilettos for miles. And I'm like, okay, this is literally like, as an adult now it was kind of how, you know, I thought about it. Related to me because I'm not a pop star on Aristore stage, but

Beka: 12:13

right

Bri: 12:14

just live in my life

Beka: 12:16

And even like I'm looking at the lyrics now, too, and it's like breaking down I hit the floor all the pieces of me shattered as the crowd was chanting more like sometimes like I feel like that like sometimes I want to break down and I don't want to do anything. I'm flaring bad and I'm having everyone around me trying to like cheer me on and tell me you're going to feel better. You're going to be okay. And you know, it's just like she keeps pushing through even with a broken heart. So it's even like with this chronic illness, we keep pushing through and keep doing what we need to do.

Bri: 12:49

Yeah. Thank you for pulling up the lyrics. That was the other part of the song that I was like, oh yeah. And so much of the time I feel like. The crowd was chanting more. Yeah. It's not even other people chanting more, some of Right. It is like myself, like telling myself to keep going more's. So like that's, that's just personally, but I kind of like thought about it that way too.

Beka: 13:13

Yeah.

Bri: 13:14

Even if it's like the crowd, like people like the thoughts in your head, like something like that. I don't know. I've, I've said time and time again, this is like, this album is so different to me. It's the album I need to sit down. I still need to. Yes. I haven't had time. Sit down with a journal, a bottle of wine, and this album. Yes. And like deep dive it. With the lyrics. Because that's hard too for me. That's

Beka: 13:38

the biggest thing. Yeah. Is the lyrics.

Bri: 13:40

I listen on Spotify and the first few days Spotify didn't have the lyrics so I was like pulling them up on like azlyrics. com. Yeah, trying to like understand because it's literally like, I feel like I'm back in like my AP English class, but

Beka: 13:57

yeah, God, I don't feel like that, but I get what you mean, just like digesting it all. And I totally feel like me and my time in my life right now. I'm like married with my dogs talking about starting a family soon. I'm in such a different place than I would have been if I was in high school and this came out.

Bri: 14:20

Yeah, for sure. Oh yeah. I was talking to somebody, I was actually talking to somebody about that a few weeks ago. They're like, yeah, my daughter's so excited for tortured poet. She's never had a boyfriend. So I don't know. Like, what? What she's thinking about when she's listening to these songs. Yeah. And I was like, that's so funny, but it was like, so me, it was so me with like the first few Taylor Swift albums. You know what I mean?

Beka: 14:42

Oh yeah. Like we're singing it. Like I'm not having boys sneak in and out of my house at like elementary school, middle school, you know, but the last song that I. I was thinking is who's afraid of little old me. I just love that song every time I listen to it I feel like I get something different out of it But one lyric that really stuck out to me that I feel like relates to the chronic illness world is you wouldn't last an hour in the Salem where they raised me and I just feel that When I talk about my chronic illness or explain to people like I truly This I don't even care if this sounds bad. This is about sound bad. We might have to cut this out You're gonna have to tell me I don't think some other people could handle it. No, that's not bad. I can. Okay, I was going to say, I'm like, I don't even, I don't feel like I handle my chronic illness. Like, I'm not like the perfect golden child of this is how you should act. This is how you should feel. This is how you should talk to your doctors or your medicine and whatever. But there's some people that just like, I don't think even if, like, you walk a mile in my shoes or whatever cliche you want to say, I don't think they'll ever get it. I really don't.

Bri: 16:03

No, they won't. And I, like, truly think that, like, everybody's given, like, we all have these paths or whatever. And, like, I probably, some of these people are posting, like, legit things they went through as kids. I'm, like, I probably couldn't have gone through that. I have my own Thing that I went through that you probably couldn't have gone through but I could go through that. Exactly. No one

Beka: 16:21

can but there's another part of the song too That's kind of near that Lyric oh man now I have to look it up. I thought I wrote it down hold on one second. Oh, the, I'm always drunk on my own tears, isn't that what they all said? And I'm just like, oh my god, cause it's just, I don't know. I just, I just feel like that just hit me different, like. Yeah. Cause sometimes I hold in my own tears and not that I drown myself in my emotions or in my feelings, but it's like I don't want to. Others to have to clean up my tears or others that have to feel like, you know, or they might feel like they caused my tears, whatever. Like I literally like drink my own tears and deal with it myself. Dang.

Bri: 17:19

Becca is going deep dive into these lyrics.

Beka: 17:21

I don't know those, but then the other stuff, I'm just like that, who's afraid a little me. I'm like, who's going to come and get it. What's up? You know? So. It's like John Tay.

Bri: 17:34

Yeah. We love you

Beka: 17:36

Tay Tay. These are awesome.

Bri: 17:38

My least favorite part of that song is when she talks about them taking out her teeth because it just stresses me out. So that's, yeah, that's my only qualm with this song. Yeah, I have, yeah, I didn't get that part.

Beka: 17:51

I

Bri: 17:52

have nightmares that I'm losing teeth and stuff. Like it's a stress thing. So that's the only thing, but.

Beka: 17:59

Oh my God. No, I don't think everyone can relate to it in their own way or their own experience, but that's just how I personally.

Bri: 18:10

No, I love it.

Beka: 18:11

Took those songs.

Bri: 18:12

Love it. Love it. Love it. Okay. While we're on the subject of like pop culture, we wanted to throw in a few other things. Because we've been trying to do like pop culture episode for a while, but I feel like we don't ever have enough things to talk about. So. Yeah. Portrait Poets was like the perfect base for this episode because there's a lot to talk about. But then there's like other things related to chronic illness we can talk about. And I just repeated myself like, yeah, I,

Beka: 18:39

when we were, that's okay. I ditto that we were a little rusty, but that's okay. I immediately was thinking for other songs when I used to do my shots and my injections and even my infusions or even blood work I used to put music on with my blood work and sit there and like nod to the guy so he could start the blood work once my song like started playing because I was just so anxious about it. I feel like I don't talk about this a lot because I, I just try to find a good routine that made me not stress out,

Bri: 19:16

you

Beka: 19:17

know, so my go to shot song, I would shut the door, sit on the floor and she's talking about like injections. Not like, Oh, sorry.

Bri: 19:28

Nope. You're good. I was going to say, not

Beka: 19:30

like shot, shot, shot, shot, shots, not those shots. Like the needle shots for my biologics. I'm so scared right now about what you're going to say. Thanks. Thanks. No, don't be scared. It's not that intense. It's, it's the climb by Miley Cyrus and I would play it because it would make me emotional, but it also made me centered and realize that, you know, I'm climbing to better myself. world. I don't know. I just, it would

Bri: 20:03

like,

Beka: 20:05

it would like pump me up, but I feel funny saying that that song pumped me up because it's not really a pump up song. It is like a deep, like emotional, like raw, like feeling song, but it kind of centered me a little bit and made me just feel like, okay, this is just a part of my Journey. This is not everything. So I would play that song once a week so I could do my injections. I love that. Or my blood work, when I go to do that, or infusions, I would always try and listen during it.

Bri: 20:41

Okay, so I have a question though, like, if you listen to that song now, is it like, triggering?

Beka: 20:48

Kinda, yes and no, so I don't do the biologic injections anymore but, yeah. I feel like I don't really hear it out and about, but sometimes it does come on my Spotify. Yeah. Like if I listen to my music, like my favorites or whatever it's called on there, and I like pause for a second and have to recenter myself, like, where am I, what am I doing right now? But it's just a great song overall. I'm a big Miley fan, so. Yeah,

Bri: 21:18

no, I love that. I feel like that's one of the reasons I like when I do my shot, I'll put music on but I usually just like shuffle Taylor Swift or shuffle a certain album because I don't want it to be like attached to one song. Oh yeah. Because I don't, I don't know. Like, that's like my thought process behind it. Cause I do have a song where I had a bad experience. So, Oh God, what was that? So this one time I was trying to take like this liquid medicine. I'm just really bad with liquid medicines. And my husband and I were like, only like just dating. He thought it was a good idea. He's like, all right, I'm going to like try to, well, we weren't just dating. We were living together, but still like, it was, We weren't engaged or anything. And he thought it was a good idea to put Eye of the Tiger on and like start like fist pumping while I'm trying to do this. And like, I was really trying so hard. I was so determined, but then I threw up. Like, wow. So just like any time, like he, like the song comes on, he's like, remember this song? I'm like, Oh, no. And you like

Beka: 22:24

taste

Bri: 22:24

the throat in your mouth. So that's my bad experience. But speaking, I guess that was like, so I guess a little bit more related to yours. I guess I've, I've talked about this not on the podcast before, but I think that's like one of that. That is the reason that I like still love Taylor Swift so much was because I was so into her when I was Like, first going through, like, my diagnoses, first getting infusions and going to the doctors and hospitals so much and it was, like, over an hour drive there and I would just put my headphones in and listen to Taylor Swift and her songs were, like, just, like, she's such a good storyteller and I was personally missing out on so much of, like, high school and friends and boys and all those things, so, like, I didn't. like relate, I guess, to what she was singing, but I felt like her storytelling was like giving something back to me. So yeah, I will, that's like something, just another way I feel like I'm always going to be connected to her and her music, but yeah, that thank you for sharing us using our podcast as therapy. So another thing on the topic of pop culture we're just been talking recently about how we wish we could make arthritis cool. Like. I saw the video of some of you might follow her. Her name's Brooke. She has ALS. She's like on, it was viral on TikTok sometimes. And she made a speech at an ALS event and was like, Wouldn't it be cool? Wouldn't it be nice if we could make ALS cool? And it was like a comedy. set and she was like, like, imagine if a Kardashian got ALS, like, it would be cool. Like, we would probably raise a bunch of money, maybe find a cure, do all of these things. Obviously, she wasn't like, hoping that a Kardashian gets ALS. Like, that's very morbid. That's like a bad thing to say. But the point behind it was like, there's so much power in like, people coming together, people like, like having a spotlight on these things and these diseases. So we're like, Becca and Kara and I were texting and like, we should like, we need to make ALS or ALS. We need to make arthritis. Cool. And then you remember, like, there's two sides to everything and like, it is hard to, when there's a spotlight on somebody with certain diseases. But yeah, Becca, do you have anything to say before I like go? I feel like this is awkward, but

Beka: 25:16

no, I don't think it's awkward. I I was trying to think of an example. But there really isn't like a standout person to me that has arthritis that everyone like commonly knows.

Bri: 25:30

Yeah.

Beka: 25:30

Like I know that, you know, we've been introduced to different people at different conferences, events, et cetera. You know, there's different commercials and all that. I remember I first started taking Enbrel and Phil Mickelson, the golfer started taking Enbrel. So I would. Tell people like in high school, like, Oh, I'm on the same medicine. Phil Mickelson is, and it was, I don't know why I thought like, Oh, maybe that'd make me cool. But it was just kind of like, why are you guys taking that? You know, it's just, I couldn't like really relate to it. I know you probably get it a lot with Selena and lupus. So

Bri: 26:11

yeah, that's, it's like a tough thing. That's why I like say like there's two sides to it because you say lupus, people, Selina has done out like great job of getting the word name lupus out there but then everyone's like, oh, you have it like Selina has it. So then like, like she had to have I think it was a kidney transplant and like her lupus is different than other people's lupus and like her, how it affects her is different than how it affects me. So like there's that side of it too. And I know like the big spotlight right now is Christina Applegate was recently diagnosed with MS and has been like raising a lot of awareness. There's a big spotlight on that, but I'm sure like there's people out there who like, there's probably things, there might be things that she's saying that they don't a hundred percent agree with, or their experience is different. But then everybody looks to that single person. that they know in air quotes with that disease and thinks that everybody's is going to be just like theirs, but everybody's experiences are so individualized with these diseases. So it's tough. It's even hard, like the term arthritis is so broad. Like it's arthritis awareness month, but like, we're going to see a bunch of like marketing and stuff for osteoarthritis and we. Obviously support that cause, but we're affected by a totally different type of arthritis, but it falls under this huge umbrella. So it's just like, it's tough. It's like a tough, like balance that I guess.

Beka: 27:56

Yeah. I don't know what the answer is to make arthritis cool. I wish I did. And then I wish I could go back in time and tell myself when I was a kid, when I was newly diagnosed what I needed to do to make arthritis cool. I don't know if it ever will be.

Bri: 28:13

Anywho, this was our tortured Spoonies department pop culture episode. We talked about a lot. Hope you got something out of it. And this week we will put on our Instagram stories, maybe on Facebook to asking you guys, which lyrics. From Taylor Swift, Resignate with You and Your Chronic Illness Journey. And we like only talked about Torture Poets, but I feel like there's so many on all of the albums that we could have gone into. But we would be here for like a whole season of the podcast. So we're not going to do that and turn it into a Swifty podcast. But thanks y'all for listening and we'll talk soon.